Ennui

Ennui

Attended last Sunday’s service and was pleasantly surprised to find that a former schoolmate is now a pastor of one of our Church’s “branches.” He was smiling at me before the start of the service, but I thought he was just being courteous. Even when our pastor introduced him onstage, I didn’t recognize him immediately, as he now goes by the name “Ptr. Sky.” Only when he started talking did I realize that I know this guy! He used to be a scrawny little kid, with hair ala Jose Rizal, and I know him as Kuya E. He was already a good boy back then, an altar boy even, I thought he’d become a priest.

His message comes at a most opportune time. Lately, I’ve been feeling… I don’t know, hollow? The feeling’s akin to being tired and bored. It seems like things are just routine and meaningless. 😮 If there is a book in the Bible that describes the rut I am in, it would be Ecclesiastes. “Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!” That would be Solomon, the wisest man on earth, waxing poetic and philosophical about it. In my current pilosopo-ical state, I am wont to ask “Anong point?”

Anong point kumayod, kung yung mga bagay na ipinupundar mo naman eh hindi mo madadala sa hukay?
Anong point magshopping ng damit, wala namang bagay o kasya? 😮
Anong point magsuncreen, kukulubot den naman ang balat mo?
Anong point magpakabuti, kung maraming gumagawa ng masama?
And sometimes they are even more prosperous and powerful because of their bad deeds.
Anong point mag-invest sa relationships, umaalis den naman ang mga tao? Whether by choice or circumstance.
Anong point ng buhay sa mundo? What is the meaning of life?

I am neither sad nor suicidal, so I don’t think this is depression… at least, as per DSM IV criteria. Could be Seasonal Affective Disorder coz it’s been raining the past several days and I am in dire need of some sunshine… Or a vacation. Or perhaps I just have too much “thinking” time on my hands to mull over things.

Anyway, listening to the message sure jumpstarted my mood. I hope things continue looking better and brighter soon.

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One thought on “Ennui

  1. I guess it’s normal to think about these things. Alam mo naman tayong mga tao, andaming emotions/feelings na alam. At saka baka nga bored ka lang, hehe. Ang lamig na dito sa Manila pag gabi, ramdam ko na ang Pasko! 🙂

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